What You Didn't Say

by Hawk From a Handsaw

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about

Recorded in late July of 2013, What You Didn't Say is Hawk From a Handsaw's first official recording and their demo EP. They think it's pretty alright and that you'd probably like it if you gave it a listen or two.

credits

released February 2, 2014

Hannah Birdsall // Vocals
James Galdamez // Bass
Alexa Johnson // Guitar
Cole Johnson // Drums

Michael Mannarino // Additional guitars, engineering, producing, mixing, mastering, and several things we are probably forgetting.
Niki Ross // Album art

Thanks to everyone who's supported us as we've worked to get here: everyone who's come to a show, watched our videos, or come here to download the demo. This whole experience has been a total treat and we're getting emotional just thinking about it. Believe us, we're crying right now. Big thanks to Mom and Dad Johnson for letting us use the basement to be noisy hooligans all the time. We're pretty sure your eardrums will recover eventually.

Hannah wants to thank her mother for being hella supportive of our music, even though she thinks there's too many cuss words. She also wants to thank her friends for taking an interest in our music, especially Sarah for letting her drag her around to practices and for coming to most of our shows.

Alexa wants to thank Hannah for being patient with her when she plays the wrong things. Which is most of the time.

Cole wants to thank the rest of the band for doing all of the actual work and letting him hit stuff.

James wants to thank himself for being a bad motherfucker.

tags

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about

Hawk From a Handsaw Frederick, Maryland

Hawk From a Handsaw is made up of four kids from Maryland who sometimes play tunes. We want to make you think about death and get sad and stuff.

James Galdamez // Bass
Hannah Birdsall // Vocals
Alexa Johnson // Guitar
Cole Johnson // Drums
... more

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Track Name: Don't Wear Black For Me
Set the scene
Fireplace
Lit up like the devil's bed
And an empty face
Reading empty words
About a boy and a girl who fall in love
The way nobody really does
Put down the book
Lay on your side
Pretend the sitcoms are enough
And fall asleep to your lie

But a memory appears
Like the snow comes the years
And the animal side comes out again
When your hands become my hands
Against the soft of your neck
And the curl in your hair
And the beat in your chest
And the person you knew before the summer ended
Is back again

Keep it close like a second heart

How have the nights been treating you
How do you keep up this charade
I know I couldn't do it if it were me in your place
Is it hard
Is it hard to watch somebody tear apart and become something else
Or do you still have faith
Can you even still breathe

This is temporary
So hold on to the old me
I'll need some reminding
When I finally give in
And the beast has got the best of me
bring me back to who I need to be

Keep it close like a second heart

Describe the monster I've become
Don't spare the details
I need those little details
How do I look to you now
With my teeth out and your guard down
Am I everything that you've been afraid of
Track Name: The '90s Disease
I can't stop playing video games
Or get myself up off the couch
I wish that I could find a way
To drag my bones out of this house

I just sit and rot in my own stink
I can't even think anymore
Bags of chips on the floor
And sodas piling up behind me

I sit here in my apathy
And wait for someone to rescue me
Get me out, I need saving
And no one is coming

And mom's on the phone so I can't watch porn
'Cause the goddamn dial-up is so slow
I haven't had a meal in days
I'm fucking wasting away

I sit here in my apathy
And wait for someone to rescue me

So wake me up
Send for help
SOS
Straight from hell
I'm devouring myself
Can't you tell?
But I don't sleep, I don't sleep
I don't sleep, I don't sleep

I should probably get a job but I don't wanna conform
Mom's pulling out her hair, she don't want this anymore
And I sit here in my apathy
And wait for someone to rescue me

Flannel shirts and highlight knots
Smudged mascara, here I rot
Making out to TV static
The lack of caring here is magic
Track Name: I Wish There Was A Hallmark Card For This
I'm sorry I turned out like this
I guess that's just the way it is
I didn't know my mind would go
I didn't know that you wouldn't know
How to help me
That you'd deny it
That you couldn't understand
How the monsters under the bed were always real to me
And reality must've slipped
Out from my fingers somewhere along the line
I'm fine
I'm fine
I might mean it this time

I'm sorry I don't dress the right way
I'm sorry I don't know what to say
When I don't agree with what's being said
I can't keep opinions inside my head
You're embarrassed, admit it
You don't want me around
And when I'm nowhere to be found
You're always calling
Some days I can't make the voices go away
It's fine
Don't stay
We need it this way

Dear friends
When you get this note, just know
It wasn't you
It was never you
Dear mom and dad
I hope you do better with the next kid
I'm sure they'll be great
It's never too late

Dearly beloved
We've gathered to say goodbye
To a girl who was losing her mind
Dearly beloved
You promised you wouldn't cry
Or pretend like you ever gave a damn

Dear friends
When you get this note, just know
It wasn't you
It was never you
Track Name: Jupiter Island
I don't know what to do anymore
And that's what's messing me up the most
One more street sign till home
Or at least what they told me was home

I just wanted to be something beautiful
More than I wanted to be alive
So I thought it tragically pretty to die
But I'm too scared of nothing
So I'm too scared to try

And so many people promised to never leave my side
And they did
I feel so weak, and stupid
And worthless, and useless

'Cause I don't know how to be by myself
I can't get out of bed but I can never ask for help
I'm already who I said I'd never be

And no one wants to deal with me
I'm fucking on my knees

Eating isn't an option
I've been dead for a whole damn week
Eating is being alive again
I'm not ready

I just wanted to be something beautiful
One more street sign till home
Track Name: Trailer Park Blues
My pretty baby, he loves me swell
But I been puttin' him through all sorts of hell
He didn't get me that new car, so he couldn't come home
He didn't satisfy my needs, so he slept alone

My pretty baby, he loves me fine
But everybody tells him I'm a waste of his time
They say that I'm only using him to buy me things
But all I ever really wanted was a wedding ring

Woke up this morning
He'd already gone
Packed his shit, took the car and left
By eight in the morning
Said he never could love a drunk so he never loved me
No he never could love a slut so he never loved

No he never never never never loved
No he never never never never loved
No he never never never never loved never loved me

My baby daddy's got a baby girl
She looks just like her father and she's my world
But I can't afford the diapers and I can't pay rent
Men think money for sex is money well spent

I don't know if he's coming home
My baby's getting bigger, she is almost grown
She doesn't know what I do to feed her
And when she says she's fine I don't believe her

Powder on the table and men on the couch
I sent her away, she's staying at a friends house
I couldn't let her see me like this
The world is hard
Track Name: The Sea In A Bottle
The nights
The nights are far too long
And I can't take it anymore
Been tearing at my skin to get the itching in my bones to go away
I scream, I shake
The earth it quakes
The world moves way too slow inside the dark
And I just want some sleep
I just want some sleep

Selfish I know
When I ask you to stay
But you look so pretty with those lights around your face
Stop asking what it was
I don't know
Just whatever I could get my hands on
I'm running out of coherent things to say
So stay
I just want some sleep
I just want some sleep

There's a few more hours in the night
And just minutes in a life
And in this room there's a million things happening
Your six colored eyes keep sweating out lies
Saying I'll be alright if I fight
But the world is so bright

Galaxies spin out from my chest
And every breath is exploding
Open my heart, out fall the stars
That tear me apart like they own me
Just for tonight don't make me fight it
'Cause I can feel myself corroding
So hold me
I'm corroding

I just want some sleep
Please just let me sleep

There's a few more hours in the night
And just minutes in a life
And in this room there's a million things happening
Your six colored eyes keep sweating out lies
Saying I'll be alright if I fight
But the world is so bright